Plenty of times, I have sensed embarrassment in people when they admit they are feeling jealous, fearful, angry, unhappy, etc. Growing up, we are always taught how these emotions take the worst out of ourselves. Consequently, in an attempt to always stay as the most moral and an upright individual, we subconsciously tend to label these emotions as “unproductive and negative”.
When we label an emotion like that, we are always making a deliberate attempt to either not feel it or not recognize it. That ultimately sets in resentment and frustration. However, does avoiding indicate an absence of feeling? Maybe not.
Go easy on yourself. I always tell my clients how it is extremely natural to be feeling jealous, angry, fearful. Acknowledging or Feeling these emotions is not what is unhealthy or unproductive. I believe that is a healthy thing to do. What, however, turns unproductive is ‘acting on those feelings’.
Your partner may go out for movies with his/her opposite gender friends and you may feel jealous and it really is okay to feel jealous unless you don’t act on them and ignite an argument. Having to recognize these feelings gives you a reflection on what you may be insecure about. It gives you an opportunity to work on them and discussing them.
I once stumbled upon a post where a young girl was afraid to jump in the pool and an aged woman from inside the pool, was watching her struggle to jump inside. She asked the young girl “Why don’t you jump?”, The girl replied, “Because I am scared.”. To that, the wise woman replied - “Then be afraid and jump.”
Next time, when you feel angry, jealous, possessive, scared - acknowledge the feelings, talk about them instead of being embarrassed or acting out on them and see yourself feeling relieved.
